The Making of a Medium

A New Reading

2009-04-13T18:56:00.000-07:00

I did a tarot card reading for myself last night. I usually only read myself once a year so last night was it. I have been obsessing lately over the upcoming long emergency and wanted to know if I should continue to prepare for it. Lately I've been more than a little concerned that we have passed the tipping point of sustainability on the planet. There are far too many indicators that we are in an increasingly fragile system, just waiting for collapse. My greatest concern is the lack of clean water to drink and feed the population of the planet. Scarcity is what concerns me, not a single catastrophic event.

So what does that have to do with trying to be a medium? Well nothing, except that I spend more time avoiding my inner self and meditation because when I do my little voice tells me this is true. Being a Capricorn I do not go to the bathroom without a plan A and plan B. Planning for contingencies gives me a level of comfort, perhaps a false sense of being in control. So, I have been planning for survival. That is the question I posed to the cards last night, with surprising results.

I use the Connolly deck and asked: Should I be preparing for a survival situation, no water - food - famine crisis?

Order of the cards and my interpretation: (inversed)
1. Queen of cups
2. Three of Pentacles
3. V The Hierophant
4. XX Judgement
5. Ten of Swords
6. (Nine of Cups)
7. Nine of Wands
8. (Knight of Wands)
9. Ten of Pentacles
10. (Page of Cups)

According to the book that comes with my cards...
1) "This covers you" - Queen of Cups - "Sensitive lady who relies on her intuitive ability rather than on common sense."
In the case of this question it is pure intuition, my rational side (common sense side) is screaming to "Stop! This is crazy."

2) "This crosses you for good or bad" - Three of Pentacles - "Well informed you have great skill, ability and talent. Recognition is due."
I am researching all aspects and consider myself better informed than most people on the condition we are in, poisoned water, global warming, over consumption... I feel a huge knot in the pit of my stomach.

3) "This is the basis, the root of the situation." - V The Hierophant - "...He who conforms and diligently searches for truth must recognize that he himself is not truth.... He traditionally understands all the ways of men."
This is the root of my concern, the way of mankind is not sustainable.

4) "This is behind you or in the process of leaving" - XX Judgment - "Self judgment, rebirth, a renewal of the inner you. Wonderful things are starting to happen. You have the ability to forge ahead and see what the future holds. Break away from conventional thinking and face life realistically."
This doesn't require any interpretation - it's straight forward -- I am looking at the future based on scientific research and I have definitely broken away from conventional thinking. It is a return to my inner self and acting on my research gives me a feeling that I'm doing something.

5) "This crowns you and could come into being" - Ten of Swords - "Extreme unhappiness, depression and a deep sense of loss. Allow new energy to transform you. Change is immenent."
Ok - holey cow - Already anxious - didn't need to know I was going to suffer a deep sense of loss. But it confirms a lot. I also feel that change is immenent.

6) "This is before me" - Nine of cups - reversed - "The wish card... Wish will not be fulfilled at this time."
This took a few minutes for me to figure out, but my wish has been that I'm crazy and that what I fear will not come true, because me being crazy is a far better outcome than what I fear. I had actually spoken this wish to my husband the night before I did the reading.

7) "This represents your own apprehensions" - Nine of Wands - "You are able to maintain control of your interests. Use discretion in any forthcoming adventure."
I am worried about being able to keep up a good face to the public - not to look like a lunatic while continuing my survival preparation. This card seems to indicate that I will be able to maintain my "normal" life and use discretion in my preparing for survival.

8) "This represents the feeling of others around you" - Knight of Wands - reversed - "You feel restricted by minor disputes. Young man possible cause."
Hello, has anyone met my husband? Eight years younger than me, but far more reserved. He's had to deal with a lot - psychic classes - table tipping - now survival and relocation... I do feel held back by him, I would have already relocated and done several steps to change my life if I was not married to him, but that does not mean that all the decisions I have made because of him are not the right ones in the end. I feel restricted, but so do teenagers when they have to be home by 11 pm on a school night. The restriction is not necessarily a bad thing.

9) "This represents your own positive feelings" - Ten of Pentacles - "Beginning to feel secure but slightly detached. Still anticipating full completion."
Yes, absolutely I feel detached, I can't imagine a whole bunch of people are preparing for what they think is the imminent collapse of society due to an impending water/food shortage. I am anticipating the full completion of my planning and preparations. I have a good support network, I will do this.

10) "This is the outcome" - Page of Cups - reversed "You will be offered help, possibly by a young person."
That is a little general, but it sounds positive, I cannot do this alone, I will need help, I hope it means that my kids will be helping.

Remoting Viewing

2008-05-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm catching up on some posts I should have done last month tonight. The words are flowing, time to get them out. We had an interesting class a few weeks ago, teaching us how to "remote view". The process was viewing a picture that was printed on a piece of paper but out of our sight. We had partners to help us. They got to see the picture and tell us if we were going in the right direction.

I felt like I failed this lesson miserably for a couple of reasons. First and foremost because I was told with my first drawing to start over, I was completely off. Part of the problem I have is seeing the entire image in my head, not vague shapes. My brain completes too much when given a little info. My first impression was of a field and a forest. That's when I was to told to start over. Carrie helped, she sent me back to the astral plane to get the picture again.

In my mind's eye I took the paper, stuffed it into a black leather binder and then walked back to the class with it. Opened the binder and looked at the picture. I saw an Asian temple from below, looking up at one corner of the roof. All I knew was that it was definitely a temple and had a tile roof. I drew the picture as best I could but was fighting it constantly.

When I was done I had written tile roof, temple or shrine and gold & black and drawn a teardrop shape on the page. Along with the scalloping of the roof.

The image that was revealed to me was a middle eastern shrine, a gold and black tile roof in the shape of a teardrop, with scalloped wood working below the roof line. It was only the roof.

I had in fact gotten many key elements. The focus was the roof. It was tile, it was a temple, it was tear drop shaped. My brain got in the way of my interpretation, because the only temples or shrines that I know are Japanese - that is what I saw and I couldn't draw it.

Guardian Angels?

2008-05-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

In my culture I was raised to believe in guardian angels. I was raised Catholic, but attended a Methodist church by choice as a teenager and haven't attended any church "religiously" since I was 19 years old. But, I'd heard of guardian angels. Those were the spirits of dead loved ones who watched over you to protect you.

Fast forward many years and I'm re-introduced to the concept of an entity (spirit, guide, whatever...) helping you, guiding you... Part of the psychic curriculum is to find and communicate with your guides.

I've been told I have three guides around me, two women and one man. I was told this in November last year, and when I went to the first event (the table tipping) I was intimidated by the psychics who were there. They told me about the woman they saw, she has long dark hair in a bun and wears Victorian style clothing with a high collar (ruffle or lacy). Now on this first meeting I had the distinct impression that my "grandpy" was there. He died when I was 10. I muttered sheepishly something to the effect that I thought my grandfather had come through. But no one acknowledged my comment or presence of him around me. I just thought I was being hokey, influenced by the John Edwards book I was reading.

Looking back, I know better now to trust my instincts more. I hadn't thought of my grandfather in years. For all the John Edwards episodes I've watched, for all the psychic stuff I look at, I still hadn't thought of my grandfather once, until I was on my way to the Mediumship Awareness group. On my way there, I thought of him and so, when we got into the meditation I thought I was influencing my impressions. What I didn't realize was that he was coming through in advance of the meditation because I was ready. - duh!

Five months later I'm in a class learning how to get in touch with my guide(s). The dark haired woman has been spotted a few times by other psychics, so I'm expecting to meet her when we meditate. I had a hard time seeing her in the meditation. It was like bad tv reception with old rabbit ear antennae (really dating myself now). This vision would pop in and out, it felt forced. But the one thing I did get from it was a date. 1/22. I knew, without a doubt that my guide tied to that date. My logical side was telling me that the dark haired woman with her hair up in a bun was my mother's mother. Maternal Grandmother. She died when my mom was 11 years old and I never met her. I don't ever remember seeing a photo of her.

I emailed my mom and asked her what her mom's birth date and death date were. I was confident I'd get my validation. My mom wrote back, birth date 05/15/1909, death date was 09/14/1952. Disappointing... but my mom is especially good with important dates... so I asked her who of my ancestors would have anything to do with the date 1/22. Her reply... "That was your grandfather's birthday."

I am more likely to trust my own instincts now-a-days, not because I'm any better at doing this than I was five months ago. But because I realize what I do know is right.

Guardian Angels? Guides? what do you want to call them?
Saved

Timing is everything

2008-05-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

I looked up just as Alex was squeezing the Nair onto his hand, about to wash his face with it. Ok, people will say, "Why was it in his reach?" I know, ok. The next question is, "Why after a month, would you enter this in your psychic blog?" This blog is about revelations. When I have those ah ha moments and realize there's more here than meets the eye. Those times when it hits me so hard, I don't doubt at all. Well, this is one of those times.

We were kicking back, getting ready for bed-time (me and the kids). I had a vision (details coming) and then a thought. It'd been a couple of hours since the above incident and I realized, something made me look up at Alex right when I needed to. I was extremely fortunate (dare I say "lucky") that I looked up when I did. Well, I don't believe in that, so - what did make me look up when I did? Alex and Andy were playing in the bath, like they usually do, I don't keep a hawk-eye on them, I'm usually folding clothes or showering or multi-tasking. My type-a personality doesn't allow for sitting and watching kids playing in the tub... They're always in ear-shot, not always in my sight... but tonight they were, and tonight, for some reason when Alex grabbed the Nair it really caught my attention, just in time. I can't think what would have happened if it met his eyes, but his hand was on a bee line for his face. Who saved Alex? It wasn't me, I was only the physical manifestation of this action. This wasn't what I was thinking at the time. My thoughts were more along the lines of holey cow! I better get some ice for his hands etc... And then of course "how could I be so stupid to leave that out?"

After the excitement Andy, Alex and I were watching a DVD and I had my Tarot cards out. I've been meaning to take them out for days, but today they actually fell off the shelf when I was putting something else away. (hello ??? are you listening to your guides???) So I brought them to my room, where we were watching the DVD, thinking I'd play with them after the kids go to bed. Andy asked if he could play with them, so I explained they were special and he couldn't damage them, but he could play with them under my supervision.

Andy's never seen me do a Tarot reading, he doesn't know how the cards work (at least not from being taught by us). He pulls one card from the deck (10 of wands) hands it to me and asks me what it means and points to my Tarot book. How does a five year old know the card he pulled has a meaning? So I look it up for him and then he says to me, "Now you pull one." I swear I've never done this kind of thing around him! I'm fairly impressed with this intuitive behavior. He then proceeds to go through every card in the deck, asking me occasionally to pull a card. I only read one or two definitions from the book because the descriptions are really meaningless (generic interpretations). As he's going through the deck he's looking at all the cards, loves the major arcana. He stops on the five of cups and shows me the card and says "He looks really sad." Andy doesn't need the book to read the cards :-) I happily explain some of the other more interesting cards he's turning over, like "The Hanged Man" and "The Tower". He's really interested and refused to go to bed until he had turned over and looked at every card.

While he was playing with the cards, I glanced up quickly to look over at him and just above the cards on the bed I had a glimpse of a face. This was not a face on the cards. It was a woman's face. I will refrain from describing her because I think I've been influenced by other psychics who have seen a woman guide around me. I will wait to see if I see her again before I comment. I was temporarily shocked, did a double take and of course it was gone.

Just to be clear, it wasn't some kind of background image, or reflection. The cards were on the blue bedsheet, one foot from my face. There was nothing there. That was when it hit me that I didn't catch Alex in the nick of time, I was instructed to look over and it's a good thing my subconscious was listening.

Recycling

2008-03-25T13:12:00.001-07:00

I went to my favorite event of the month, mediumship development, last night. We did the usual preparation by doing a group meditation, led by Carrie. She has us fill our virtual back backs with the baggage we carry around (daily stresses). Once the pack is full we push it down this incredibly deep well. The well goes all the way out to the cosmos.

Last night my pack was blissfully light, a few items in it, but my heart was light. As I pushed my pack into the abyss and Carrie instructed us to see it sent to the astral plane I wondered how could it be recycled, who would want my worries?

Then I thought of tens of thousands of souls who would give anything to have any one of my problems. The "burdens" I carry usually revolve around bills, or too much to do, or a disagreement with someone. But if you think about it... how many people in this world would love to get a bill for something, to have credit, to be able incur a debt without being imprisoned? To be able to buy food? To be able to buy a toy for a child?

How many lonely people are there that would love to be in a disagreement with someone, because it meant human connection and discourse.

How silly of me to just toss these things out as if they were burdens. Aren't they all the joys of life? Even the hardships? Don't we realize that to miss someone means we've loved someone?

I wonder how many things I'll put into that back pack next time?

Long Time No Seek

2008-03-23T17:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I blogged, partially a lack of psychic experience and partially due to an abundance of other things to do. One does have to do with the other. Being too busy to notice the messages when they come your way is the biggest problem to realizing that you are psychic.

I have been telling a lot of people about the psychic classes and my thoughts on being psychic with absolutely no ill affect. Mostly people at work, but even other people that I am acquainted with that I don't know as well. It could be they think I'm crazy and aren't telling me to my face :-) but honestly that's not the impression I'm getting.

The reaction I have been getting is more like, "How do I take that class?" "How do you know you're psychic?" "Wow, that's fascinating, I've always believed in that stuff but never told anyone..." "My sister is a Reki Healer..." It seems everyone has a story, society is changing, we are becoming more aware. Or as my brother would say, "transhuman" and as my teacher would say "awake". Whatever you call it, there's a change in the air.

I've had a few interesting events in the past month. A woman from the organization Find Me (http://www.findme2.com) approached me at the bookstore and introduced herself as one of the psychic volunteers that helps to find victims, or criminals to solve cases. She came back into the metaphysical section of the book store and found me and introduced herself. There's a lot of books in that section, and I didn't have a psychic book in my hand at the time.

I have a friend who reached out to my higher self and left a message for me to read his blog. I never read his blog, but this entry was important. The event was significant enough to get me to blog today.

I don't know what is in store for me next, I've finished the first series of classes, on to the next series for more training. I feel like I've finish my general education requirements to see what's out there. Time to specialize.

My gut is telling me to focus on mediumship. Everytime we meditate as a group I am followed by children into the glen. They play around me and I enjoy their company. I know they will guide me in the right direction. I believe that I will be guiding lost children's souls in the right direction. A sad thought, but if they are lost who better to take care of them?

Psychic Languages

2008-02-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

This is next to impossible! I got an appreciation for how hard it is to read a person in class on Wednesday. I got a few minute impressions, but 50% of my impressions were wrong... the other seemed unlikely, but were accurate. We learned what our psychic strengths are by writing a few descriptive paragraphs about different things. We categorized the descriptive words to see where we focus. That tells us where our strengths are.

The 6 "clairs" are clairvoyance (see), claircognizance (know), clairsentience (feeling/touching), clairaudience (hearing/listening), clairalience (smelling) and clairgustance (taste).

I tend to be more claircognizant and clairsentient. Other people's moods really affect me. I'm like a radio antennae picking up on everyone else's frequencies. Which can make you moody and unpredictable. At least now I'm starting to recognize when it's not my feelings I'm feeling. I also have had a few clairvoyant experiences, but just brief glimpses.

Nothing left to do but practice now.

Positive Energy

2008-02-06T06:46:00.000-08:00

Feedback is an interesting thing. No matter what it says, there's the intention of providing you with information that the person thinks you need to know. They took the time and effort of writing you to provide the feedback. You know it's important to them that you get it, read it, and for them, that you react to it. Not all feedback is positive though, so how do you convert it to positive energy, even if it's negative feedback? That's my challenge today.

unfocused

2008-02-04T22:44:00.000-08:00

Nothing coming through my unfocused third eye lens in the mediumship development group today. Need to refocus my energy. Too much going on.

Autism is Evolution?

2008-02-02T07:48:00.000-08:00

What would you do if your six year old started to tell you parts of a horror novel you were reading? No, I wasn't reading it to him and he wasn't reading it over my shoulder. He's smart, but not that smart.

I tested him to see if he was reading my mind, I had reason to believe he was. We played a game, I drew a picture on a post it note and he drew what he thought I drew. He hit 6 for 6. (When I have the time I'll post the results with scans of the actual drawings.)

I should mention my six year old is autistic.

I started thinking that maybe his first language was telepathy and that's why he was having a hard time speaking. As I started to investigate my own psychic abilities I found a community of mom's of psychic autistic kids. I didn't even know this phenomenon existed. They are known as "Indigo Children" by the "New Age community".

Oh, crap... am I now part of the "New Age community"? I really don't want that stigma. There's something "off" about "new age" it's like "Hippie". Hard to be a professional and "New Age". Time for a paradigm shift I guess.

I find the autism/psychic connection pretty fascinating and wonder if the research to find the autism genome discovers a psychic genome at the same time? Psychic ability runs in families and according to the National Institute of Mental Health autism is genetic.¹

So, what about the evolution of Man? Are we evolving to be more psychic? Is Autism a symptom of evolution? It is a change in brain function, but is it something that needs to be cured or understood?

Hot Flashes

2008-02-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

One of my classmates made the very astute observations... "Do you realize what we did in an hour? It means anyone can do this?" I replied, "Not anyone, but anyone with an open mind could." You really have to trust yourself and believe in yourself for this to work. If you doubt every feeling, every sensation because you can't see it, then you probably can't do this.

It takes a leap of faith, with a healthy dose of skepticism to do this. I don't believe in blind faith, and anyone who knows me, knows I have to have things proven to me. I'm skeptical about everything. But there I am making energy balls and feeling hot spots where people need healing.

What are the chances you'll pass your hands over someone's body, without touching them, and still be able to detect where healing is needed?

Pulling my energy from my "astral pals", the ones I met in my regression last week, I was able to identify that my classmate needed healing in her abdomen. I felt the energy (my hands got hot) as I passed over that area of her body. No other area made my hands hot. I stayed in that area and visualized the white energy coming from the astral plane into her body. She said that she felt the pressure of the energy and that it felt good. What I found out after class was that she was recovering from an appendectomy. I had correctly located the area in need of healing.

The Magician

2008-02-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

"He represents the potential of a new adventure, chosen or thrust upon one. A journey undertaken in daylight, in the Enlightenment Tradition. He brings things out of the darkness into the light. He explores the world in order to master it. He is solar consciousness.¹"

How much do you tell your friends? This blog is so personal. Who do you share it with? I am The Magician, on a journey, who will go with me? He who falls off was not meant to be on this journey.

Bereavement

2008-01-30T04:39:00.000-08:00

noun

state of sorrow over the death or departure of a loved one [syn: mourning] ¹

I tried so hard not to cry, but I couldn't hold it back. I didn't even think I was hypnotized, how could I be having these feelings? I was so glad to be back with them, and they didn't want me to leave because I had been gone so long. I had to go though, I volunteered for the job, I was the only one who could do it, and I was sacrificing heaven for it. They were so sad, and I felt the sorrow of being ripped away.

I went in for my regression on Sunday morning. It was a difficult session. We were in a very busy shop, with noises everywhere. I also brought my husband along for the ride. The point in my regression was to find him in a past life. Hilary suggested that maybe if he regressed too, that we could meet on the astral plane and go back together. That isn't quite what happened though.

Neither one of us felt like we were under, but one of us was. Probably both of us were, it's just a matter of understanding what being under feels like. I was trying really hard, probably too hard. I couldn't get through the door at the bottom of the stairs to enter a past life. Once I finally did go back, beyond birth, I found the astral plane. I think I've been there before, but this time was different.

Hilary asked me to go from the plane to a previous life, but once I got there I didn't want to leave. She asked me to choose a life and go into it, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I told her "no". She wanted to know why. Holding back the tears, I told her, "because they've waited so long for us to be together." She asked again if I was ready to go back to another life and I started to cry. I felt how sad everyone was, they didn't want me to leave. I was losing everyone I loved all at one time.

I woke up.

After a quick break we tried a different induction outside on the sea shore. While I was going under I saw two kids playing on the shore. They were playing around the lava rocks that sprinkled surf, and they were having the time of their life. They were laughing and running. They were best friends, and they were brother and sister. She was about 9 years old, he was about 11. It was also me and my husband, in the year 3013.

Every time I tried to ask him to show me around we'd jump to someplace new. From the beach we were someplace really primitive, and I tried to communicate, but I couldn't. I asked to go someplace else. This time I saw rice paddies and didn't believe it and asked to go somewhere else.

I saw cliffs of black rock with rolling green hills. Thoughts of Ireland came to mind. Then I saw sheep and started to laugh. This was sooo wrong... I was a farmer in Scotland around 1820 and my husband was now my daughter... What was I seeing? Is this just an active imagination? Why would I see this of all things?

What spare time?

2008-01-26T22:40:00.001-08:00

It occurred to me that I should mention the various books I've been reading and other sources of inspiration. I have a couple of friends that have more knowledge and experience with this than I do, so I look to them for advice on where to turn, but then I also poke my nose into everything that interests me.

I'm currently reading a book by Maureen Caudill "Suddenly Psychic: A Skeptic's Journey". I had barely started it the other day, not even through the first chapter. But I like the scientific approach, especially in the discussion of brain waves. I remember she had mentioned something about a hemi-sync seminar or something. Turns out that my meditation instructor plays hemi-sync CD's in class. The process uses different frequencies for left and right ears so that your body creates a third, harmonic brain wave, which helps you achieve the meditative state. This is pretty cool, so I ordered a few of them.

Even prior to this I read a few books by Whitley Strieber (of Communion fame) on spirituality (for lack of a better description). These books are not fiction: "The Key" and "The Path". I need to re-read both of these. "The Key" described what I felt to be true, and I had thought on my own. I had never read anything that expressed this opinion about us, and god, and being part of god. It goes in depth about who we are, why we are here and what we need to do. It motivates me to make a change.

"The Path" will take a lot more studying for me to understand, it refers to the Tarot and your life's true path. I think we have a true path, and we need to follow it or we will be out of sync with ourselves and not feel centered. This book describes the path to ascension.

I also just finished a book by John Edward, the famous TV medium, discussing how he does what he does and what happens when he gets the information, even when he isn't "on".

I'm also in the middle of several books, including two Edgar Cayce books... I have several on my shelf just waiting to be read as well.

Retroactive

2008-01-26T22:07:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is regression hypnosis day, for the first time (in this lifetime anyway). I had a consultation today with the hypno-therapist to talk about what I wanted to achieve. Was there a difficult situation in my life that I was trying to overcome, or understand?

Actually, no. I feel pretty good, I'm just really curious. I've got a couple of things I want to investigate. First I want to know about my past lives, any of them... but since I think I knew my husband in a previous life, we are going to try to access that information tomorrow. After that we'll look at my childhood to try to uncover some curiosities.

The hypno-therapist is a referral from Carrie, who has been through it before and she has full confidence and trust in this woman. I had already met her in previous meetings, I just didn't know she was the hypno-therapist, so that also gives me a level of comfort.

We also discussed future life "regressions" - not really regressing if you are going forward. She and I discussed the astral plane and how once you are there, you can access any memory. Wow, won't that be cool if I go there tomorrow. Better go pack my virtual back pack for this trip.

In the zone

2008-01-26T21:54:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well... where was my well when I meditated in class? Class was actually my second meditation, the first one was in the mediumship group a couple of weeks ago. In that session we put our troubles into a backpack and dropped them down a well. On that day, I had very few items to put into my backpack... but that wasn't the case when I had class on Wednesday. I was off, I could feel I was off and I didn't think I could get back on center. I needed to kick my backpack down the well.

But, in the class we didn't get our virtual backpack or the well. We dove right in. Another great lesson for me... don't forget your well.

What about the well. I have so much visual detail when I meditate it's hard to believe. It makes the artist in me want to start drawing again. (so much to do, so little time). Carrie described the well as very deep, going straight through the core of the earth and coming out the other side and going straight into the cosmos. What I see is a beautiful black well, with shiny bricks, slick with water, like a high gloss tile. And it reflects a pure white light and the stars beyond. It's curved into the cosmos, so when I look down I see a long tunnel lined with shiny black bricks, reflecting the starlight and beyond. It's really beautiful. I haven't kicked my troubles down the well, but I will someday. I will be bringing the well with me.

I found out that I've already been meditating, I just didn't know it, because I thought you had to chant and sit in lotus etc... you know, typical assumptions. What else I didn't know was that "transcendental meditation" is when you ascend into a white light and have a feeling of elation. Hello, anyone read my previous blog entry? So, I've already had three of these experiences, and I didn't even know it! What concerned me was that they are supposed to be rare and hard to achieve. This really makes me doubt what I experienced, because I was able to reproduce it once with some effort. But maybe that is a good thing.

I'll keep you posted.

Charged up!

2008-01-23T05:24:00.000-08:00

I was in that in-between state of awake and asleep and I could tell there was another entity (spirit?) with me. I could feel it and I was frightened. I thought, ok, if you are really here can you give me a sign that you are here, but don't scare me because I'm frightened and I don't want to open my eyes. Then very suddenly, as if in direct response to my request, I felt an electric charge run through my entire body. It felt warm and tingly from my head to my toes. It was a really strong charge that quickly dissipated. And I thought, holey cow! What is going on? I lay in bed with alternating thoughts of "don't open your eyes" and "wow, what do I do next?"

I am so reluctant to put this in my blog, it just makes me sound so completely crazy. But, the point of the blog is try to and be objective and log all the things that are happening. Unfortunately I haven't had the time to log everything, but this event was so bizarre I had to get up and make an entry.

What am I afraid of? I don't know, but I'm frightened. Probably just the unknown.

I have my first class tonight, meditation 101. Some of my friends are going too. Why is it that so many people (at least people I talk to) these days are trying to get in touch with their inner spirit? I would say spirit guides, but, that's really not it. It's more about getting in touch with yourself.

The last mediumship group meeting that I went to, one of the veteran psychics told me that I was moving very fast. Carrie confirmed that she thought it might all be coming at me pretty quickly. I guess? I have no reference point for anything like this. How would I know if I was moving fast, or slow as a snail? It's like someone flipped a switch and suddenly all these weird things that I was used to passing off, suddenly had an explanation.

What kind of things? Just the little day to day things, like erasing an address in my address book of a friend I hadn't talked to in four years, and knew the address was wrong anyway. How many people actually erase (with a pencil eraser) an old address? Don't we usually just cross it out and make a new entry (if you even keep a paper address book). And why even touch the entry at all, it wasn't like I was going to correct it and I didn't need the space. Within 12 hours I had an email from that friend... supposedly "out of the blue". She wrote and said "I'll bet your surprised to hear from me!" I told her, not really... - Those kind of things. Every single day of my life I have one of those kinds of events.

So, back to my electric charge, what was that? It was cool (not physically) and just OMG is that really happening? Did that really just happen in response to my question? Then the, how can I blog this? My husband is going to think I've checked into the funny farm if he reads this... But I have to have the strength to do this. Not a lot, just Medium Strength.

Hello, you are awake, What next?

2008-01-18T15:38:00.000-08:00

Straight out of the meditation I saw the table in the middle of the room shaking and I had the feeling that the table just wanted to take-off, as in lift straight up and levitate. It didn't. But, this being my first experience ever with meditation, I really had no idea what to expect. The group I was with was used to "table-tipping". Not me. The problem with this table was that it was round and on three legs and too stable for table tipping in any one direction. An important first lesson for me.

While Carrie was out of the room grabbing the smaller four legged table I started to have the "impression" of wood, water and black chains. Old weathered wood, like that on a ship, and tons and tons of water... I kept thinking inundation, water washing over the wood, like the wood was sinking in and out of the water. I said this out loud to the group, just as Carrie came back with the little table. Another psychic in the room said she also felt it, it was a ship, and then it was more clear to me, yes, that's what it was. But I also felt slavery, bondage, very hard labor, like this person was a slave on a ship. What was I seeing? (The impression was very clear in my mind, this is known as "claircognizance".) We started to ask the spirit questions. Was it recently dead, tip the table once for "yes" and twice for "no". There was no response. Carrie offered to help the two women at the table, who said the table was shaking. She joined them, and I had a feeling that I should be at the table too, and one of the other women said, looking straight at me, "She should be at the table". I had to agree and I joined them.

What do you do at the table? Well, you place your hands lightly on the top and try to encourage the spirit to respond, concentrating on the table, the grain of the table, nothing but the question, the spirit and the table. In the candlelight, in that room, I saw the illusion of the hands on the table being merged with the table, like the fingers were roots planted into the wood. It was a strange, but consistent illusion, and as the table rocked, the hands wove in and out of the wood. Once I arrived at the table I could feel how violently it was shaking, but it still didn't have enough energy to tip. We changed that. We asked if the spirit had been dead 500 years, (one for yes, two for no). The table tipped twice to my right. Just slight lifting the left legs off the floor up/down/up/down.

If I didn't have my hands on the table, I wouldn't believe it, even in the same room, without my hands on that table, I wouldn't believe it. So I don't expect anyone reading this blog to believe me. We started asking more questions and the table tipped in response, we finally had it working. All the while we are doing this my neck/back injury was killing me. I had to assume it was how I was leaned over this little table, until everyone in the region of the table was complaining of back pain. We asked our spirit if he suffered from a back injury. The "yes" was a resounding tipping over of the table into the lap of the person on my right. We thought this spirit was here for the person on my right (Judy) and we asked, but got two quick tips - a "no". Then Carrie asked the spirit to tip the table in the direction of the person it was here for. The table tipped onto the lap of the person on my left (Angela), but we all knew it was for the woman behind her (Bebe). Angela said she felt like the table was being pulled through her. We also determined that this man was of Nordic descent and a laborer on a ship, who died on the ship.

It was an interesting evening, that continued for two hours on that path. My first ever medium-ship group was a huge success.

So, now let me back up a few weeks and explain how I got here. I went to see a psychic friend of mine (Carrie) because she had done a reading for me in mid 2007 that I thought was an unlikely scenario. She suggested a business partner that would be the farthest from my imagination at that time. True it was someone we both knew, but no-way was that ever going to happen. And then in Dec. the impossible became a possibility. I had to go back to find out more. Should I pursue the venture? How did she know this? etc...

Leading up to this visit, from mid November 2007 I started to have visions of myself with a pure white light emanating from the center of me. This vision showed me as a radiant being, so bright that my physical body was completely cast in shadow. When I had this vision of myself I was completely at peace and felt whole. There is no way to describe this except that it felt "true". I had this vision for a few days and then it went away, I assume due the chaos that surrounds the holidays at my home. I wanted it back and sought this feeling. I knew it had to do with me being centered and I knew what I did to evoke it. I had thrown myself, completely and totally, into a project that I knew would bring pure joy to the individual that was going to receive it. This was not something that could be purchased. It was something that had to be arranged, and I was the only one who could do it. This gave me my bliss.

This blog is about my pursuit to reach the person within. The person I know to be psychic/spiritual and the path that will lead me there. I don't know where this journey will take me, but I can tell you in the weeks that I have spent pursuing it, I have had nothing but fun, laughter and adventure. If at the end of this journey that is all I have from the trip, it will be time well spent.